Just a Stagnant Blog

When I was a little girl, mom or dad would occasionally take me out. At that age, I have always wondered why the people who took trains were always in a hurry—in a hurry up the stairs, in a hurry to be on the arriving train, in a hurry running in or out the train when doors open, hurrying out the exits and down the flight of stairs. In my head, I was like, "Why? Why hurry?"

I was the type of person who never really got around the city much and when I had to travel, it's very rare that I took trains. Oftentimes, I'd be happy sitting inside a jeepney or a bus, staring blankly at street scenery that have always been a part of my everyday life—just staring, not thinking about anything, not caring how long the trip will take, not minding how scorching or how artificially cold it was, not even thinking about how heavy the traffic is.

Three years into university, I started to realize how something I do, something I commit into doing, can demand so much time from me; that was during a period when sleep was a luxury, not a necessity. Half into that school year, I began taking a different route to university. I have always been thrifty, I always try to find the best deal for my money because I know damn well how difficult it is to earn. Compared to my usual route, the new one cost me Php17.00 more (which is a biggie to me) and it included taking a train. It cut my travel time around 40 minutes—40 minutes I spent sleeping—so I guess the Php17.00 was worth it.

It's now my second week into my new job, and I am sitting here at the train station as I wait for the train. I take two trains on my way to and home from work. I missed the second train, the one I usually get to catch. I missed it even if I hurried up the stairs, even if I fought for a standing spot inside the arriving train, even if I hurried out the train when the doors opened, even if I hurried out the exit and down the stairs into the street.

Yes, I know now. When one grows older, a re-assessment on the value of things happen, a re-ordering occurs. As a kid, I only thought of leisure and free food from my parents; as a yuppie, I now think of adequate sleep to help me get through my next shift, I now think of how to get some shuteye on a bed in a 38°C room, I worry of not being able to talk to the people I value love if I come home late.

As a kid, I tried so hard to chase time but now, I'm struggling to keep up with how fast it passes.

SoulPancake is a YouTube channel with a lot of refreshing video ideas about life and stuff. I can't remember how I came across the channel, but I am thankful that I did 😊

They recently uploaded Props to the Planet, and after watching it, I decided to list ten things that I love about the Earth:

• I love how diverse life in it is.
• I love the oceans and the seas.
• I love the smell of grass in the morning.
• I love how it can sustain life of different kinds and species of creatures.
• I love how nature can both sustain and destroy.
• I love how soothing rainfall can be.
• I love being under the canopy of big trees.
• I LOVE CRUNCHY LEAVES.
• I love sunsets by the bay.
• I love how the Earth keeps spinning—there's always a tomorrow to look forward to.

How about you? What are the things you love about the Earth?

My experiences with violence in schools still echo throughout my life but standing to face the problem has helped me in immeasurable ways.

I came across a video on my Facebook newsfeed, re-posted by Upworthy. Watching it made memories come back; memories I tried to forget for years.

I was not a popular kid in school when I was young. Though I was not a victim of hardcore bullying, there were a lot of times I felt bullied—and how it felt every time greatly affected how I see myself, how I interacted with people, how I saw life..
I hated myself back then. I might even be the most unconfident kid in the school. I was in the star section, was always in the top 10, but that doesn't mean I was never teased, was never looked down upon. The really bad thing was, I felt bullied even by two of my teachers (advisers, actually). It was when I was in grade two, came grade three, my adviser was my grade two adviser's best friend. Talk about luck.

My classmates, some I even considered friends, called me names. I was called maitim or negra (meaning dark-skinned, which was an equivalent to ugly in children's terminology here in the Philippines). Back then, I believed them.

I was called sabog (this can mean messy, ruptured, exploded) because of my nose—because my nose wasn't pretty, it's bulbous. Back then, I believed them. I never felt attractive at all, I rarely talked. Sabog.. Even now when I hear it, the word makes me wince. I hate that word.

I think the reason why I was not bullied badly was because I belong to the top 10 in class. For some reason, kids in the honor roll are a bit 'respected' than the rest. But still, daily repetition of those names I mentioned for a year, two years, three years? You have no idea how much it damaged me, how much it hurt. There were instances when I fought back, but only to those kids I didn't consider my close friends. One of my classmates even lost his tooth because of me. It felt really bad though, that the people I consider and I call my friends bully me, and it felt even worse that I can't do anything to make them stop.

Up until now, I think I can not forgive those two teachers who made my life a living hell when I was a kid. When my classmate loses a pad of paper, a pen, an eraser, a pencil, or whatever, I always get the blame. When the teacher asks a question an nobody raises a hand to answer, I always get called and named bobo (stupid or dumb) for not knowing the answer. Yes, my teacher called me that, and I had to endure with the possibility of being called bobo every day for two years. What's most ironic is that I was in a Christian elementary school (even though I was Catholic), and we were taught everyday to love and treat our neighbors and fellowmen right. As young as 11, I already questioned the legitimacy of religion because of how people treat other people. Now I know that religiousness does not always equate to kindness, and more often the not, they are the people who judge you most and dictate you on how you should live your life.

Due to financial constraints, my mom told me that I will be transferred to a public school after graduation. That terrified me. Why? Because I don't want to part ways with my bully friends. Pretty stupid, huh? But it was better because I already know them, and that I somehow am used to how they call me names. What if my new classmates were worse? Public school students have generally unpretty reputation, and there I was, destined to being one of them.

Came high school, I was surprised. My school was really big, it was like 20 times bigger than my elementary school. Kids were small, always running around. They make too much noise too. But what's most surprising was, they were better mannered than my elite former classmates. Yes they were playful, but it seemed that they had a better grasp on what friendship means, they had better interpersonal skills.

It was in high school that I had a personality reset. I was able to change because there was also a change of environment. There were still bullies, but they knew when to stop. It was more like a teasing, not real bullying.

The feeling of being accepted in a group (for real) has a great impact on individuals. I realized I was a bright kid, a pretty girl, kinda philosophical, and that I can excel greatly in a lot of things. It was then that I also learned what fun really means.

Bullying should not be tolerated, especially within the halls of a learning institution. Teachers too, have to be knowledgeable on how to properly handle and deal with kids because it is in early life that individuals begin to acquire and build their personalities. Grown-ups who were never bullied can never understand how bad it feels, how bad it hurts. I think it is only proper that schools' guidance counselors are taught to be more friendly to students—well, friendly but still strict and fair when it comes to punishments. I grew up being scared to guidance counselors, and when I got older, I realized that they were supposed to be those people you can go to for advice. But I can't blame kids for not wanting to go to the guidance office because I know that fire-breathing dragons are there.

The first two decades of life is quite short, but I believe it is a very important time that affects how an individual will behave for the most of his life ahead. Being bullied damages children. Being the bully even is sometimes the result of being bullied before. Bullying someone might be funny, it might make you feel good about yourself, but that doesn't make it less improper, nor does that make it right.

My brother and I were buying stuff in the department store and I was really planning to buy a new foundation since I've already reached the pan in the one that I have. I got past the Maybelline stall and saw that they were on sale. Long story short: I got the Maybelline Pure Pact Mineral Healthy Foundation in the shade OC2.

The packaging has the following written on its back:

• Breathable Coverage
• Our lightweight micro-minerals gives you a smooth finish that will never clog your pores.

• More Hydrated Skin
• 100% moisturizing micro-mineral pigments and other natural moisturizing agents hydrate your skin and refine fine lines.

• Suitable for Sensitive Skin
• Contains no preservatives, fragrances, or oils so it's suitable even for sensitive skin.

The Pure Mineral Two-Way Cake Foundation itself I got for Php449.00, which includes the sponge for application. The compact costs an additional Php250.00. It is available in 4 shades: OC1, OC2, OC3, and OC4. It has SPF30 which I think comes handy.

I've never tried Maybelline foundations before, since early on I was lucky enough to find a holy grail foundation for my skin. I just thought, why not try more brands out? Choosing from OC2 and OC3 was really difficult and the Maybelline girl didn't really help me choose, she actually even confused me. Using this for two months now, OC2 is a tad lighter for my skintone, I realized.


Coverage
I'd say this has light to medium coverage. So far, using this hasn't caked my face at all, and I have to say that as far as the application is concerned, I love how this foundation blends with the skin.

Skin Type
I don't believe 100% to product claims because how a product works will depend on several factors. For this one, it claims to hydrate the skin. My face is a greasebucket and using this one outdoors is a two thumbs-down. It can't control the oiliness that my holy grail foundation can, and I think, the hydrating formula has something to do with it. Inside the office though, this works. It's gonna work best with people who have dry or combination skin types.

Scent
It has a very mild scent which I love. It's not overpowering, just right. I do not have allergies when it comes to scented stuff but I would not want to apply something to my face that'll make me dizzy in a minute or two. Got no problems with this one.

Flashback
Though it has SPF, using this foundation in photos is okay. So far, for the time that I have been using it, I'm quite happy with how photos turn out even with flash. No white-washed face woman in the picture case yet for me.

Having said all that, I can't say I'm gonna repurchase this one. It's good, yes, but I've had better at a more affordable price. I love how the deep purple compact looks, but as far as the foundation itself is concerned, it's okay. Just that. Just okay.